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disconcerting inwardly, it can be strenuous
on a relationship.
Though all healthy relationships grow
and change as the individuals do, the
more subtle and profound spiritual
transformations we experience can leave
us feeling indefinable and, therefore,
incapable of upholding our previous
roles in our ongoing relationships. Our
expectations begin to shift as well, even
though we may not be able to articulate
our new perspectives to those we
endear. Instead, we end up feeling lost
and wondering how to relate in ways
we barely understand – ways that honor
who we are while keeping our loyalty
and love intact.
Imagine telling your husband, “Honey, I
love you dearly, but I need my space to do
some deep inner searching. It may take
me a year or two, and my intention is to
continue to love you, but we’ll see what
happens when I emerge. I’ll be sleeping in
the room down the hall until then.” Ha!
Can you imagine how well that would go
over!? Yet, it may be the most honest and
important sentence you utter to him as
you discover your true self.
During this discovery period of “Who
am I really?” we may realize that we
have always identified ourselves in
regards to each of our relationships –
daughter or son, sister or brother, friend,
companion, beloved, wife or husband,
parent, grandparent and so on. What
often happens after the dissolution of an
important relationship is we redefine who
we are. Yet, who we truly are has nothing
to do with our relationships. Our true
essence experiences our relationships as an
exchange of energy and an opportunity
to discover “other” and “self” and how
the two seemingly separate beings relate.
Our essence has no need to have our
relationships define us. Our ego, on the
other hand, uses relationships as the
foundation of its structure.
Omtimes.com Thus as we embark, consciously or not, on
the journey to our essential self-one of the
most intense shifts we encounter happens
in our relationships. At some point, the
Universe seems to bring us face-to-face
with our beliefs about our identity as
reflected in our cherished relationships –
not to mention how we behave in them.
For example, do you consider yourself a
“good partner?” Those two words alone
create such strong parameters which are
fashioned from our beliefs; beliefs about
what each word means individually, as
well as when coupled together. Moreover,
they are infused with all the stories
associated with “good partner” from
generations past. If you believe you are
a good partner, or want to uphold that
commitment, then anything you do that is
outside of that structure of beliefs has the
potential to shake the foundation of your
identity as well as the relationship you
want to be a “good partner” in.
Once shaken, we begin to question
ourselves, our worth, our relationships
and fear can set in. From fear the ego
goes to fight or flight, right? Arguments
erupt, blame flies, hurt happens, and
retreats to safety become inevitable. But
from what are we really seeking safety?
Ironically, as we desperately desire
love in each of our relationships, the
tenderness its purity offers our hearts
can be too intense for our fragile egoic
selves. In our efforts to feel safe, we
retreat from the love we crave.
Yet in our collective awakening, it is true
love we are revealing and so begins a
deliberate dissolving of the protective ego
– a releasing of all the identities of who
we thought we were that keep us from
So is it possible to release these identities
and keep our beloved relationships?
Absolutely. Millions of people on the planet are
October 2014 D Editi on